life update
Well I decided I would take some time and update on how things are going. As you probably already know I had Kash one the 14th of November. He is now 3 weeks and one day old. Life has been really tough since he got here. He seems to have alot of gas, and screams because his little tummy hurts. I feel so bad when he cries, I just hate to know he is in pain and I cant help him. I didn't think loosing sleep would be that bad, but now that its happening its soo hard. He really doesn't wake up alot, but getting sleep in two hour increments wares me down. Nursing was pretty hard when I was in the hospital and I wasnt sure it was going to work, but then he and I got the hang of it and its going great. I feel very selfish. I have thoughts that I dont want to share him. I only want me to take care of him because I feel like only I know what he needs. I'm very happy that I am nursing so I am the only one that gets to feed him. But then there are nights when I get so frustrated that he is screaming and I am awake and Tyler gets to just sleep through it. I'm having second thoughts about getting married. And I have terrible thoughts of giving Kash up for adoption because I want my old life back and my old body back. When I look in the mirror, I feel hideous. I hate that I only fit into one pair of my jeans, I hate my thighs and my butt, my shirts are all stretched from wearing them when I was pregnant, the stupid stretch mark lotion I bought doesnt even work, I cant wear a pretty, normal bra anymore, I feel sad and pitiful. Everyone wants to see him and I hate going places. I know I'm just complaining. I should be happy, I gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy. Whats my deal? I wish I was happier with my life right now..
posted by ShAnNoN MaCkAy at
9:26 PM
3 Comments:
You are doing so well Shannon! Keep your chin up. Remember that you have lots of help if you need it. Tyler made this happen too so he really should be sharing the responsibility. I had the same problem with Chad.
If you need anything let me know
I love you!
It is totally normal to feel that way. I felt the same way with Kade. I felt like I was the only one who could help him, but in the middle of the night you feel totally different. I would totally come up and watch him so you can sleep whenever you need me. It's great that you are doing good with nursing, especially during the winter. You're doing awesome, don't tell yourself any different. Love you
Shan you are doing great!! Every new mom has the same thoughts you are having. No one's clothes fit 3 weeks later. You are a great mom, remember we are ALL here to help you. Anytime you need help, we can come. Things will get better, I promise. Keep your head up and PLEASE ask for help if you need it...we all needed it at one time or another!! Teach Tyler what he needs to do, remember he doesn't know how babies work as well as you!
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