Stupid Brain.

I've decided that I have a very stupid brain. Here's a long story for ya. Tyler works at checker,(you all know that) and one day I (with my stupid brain) decided to ask him if there were any girls at his work that were hot. (yeah i know i know) And he said one. So I got mad. Even though I stuck myself in it. So I asked him all these questions about her and that made my brain go nuts. All I kept thinking about was how they were going to get together or something. That was about a month and a half ago. At that same time he added her as a friend on facebook and that made me even more mad. So I to him that I didn't want him to have her as a friend and he got mad (because I had guys for friends at the time) so we went through a big argument about having oppisite sex friends. And now a month or more later I can't stop thinking about it. His boss actually scheduled him with her by themselves from 3 to close. Seriously whats wrong with me? I cannot let things go. I still havent let go that a girl from the planetarium liked him like 1 week before we started talking and that he text her over our break in april. I dont know why I have to have this stupid brain. He tells me everytime something like this happens that he has never cheated on me and never will. And I believe that so why can't I just get over this? I always do things to make him mad at me. I really think its a serious problem and I need help. Its like I can't leave him alone or I think something will happen.

On another stupid brain note: I also have these pictures in my head of bad things that could happen to me. Like when we barbecue I always move away from the propane because I think its going to explode. Or when I see people walking across the street I picture them getting hit by a car and I can see everything so clearly. I ALWAYS think of the bad things that will happen. Seriously always. I also have thoughts that I feel like I cant control. Like when kash cries and has been stressing me out I've thought I'm going to kill him in my head then I think NO what are you thinking! I hate it. I feel like its someone else. I dont want to think those things. I cant think those things. I need help, someone to understand. I dont know why I do it. I dont want to do it. I dont know what to do.

Relationship

Lately my relationship with Tyler hasn't been at its best. We despretly need to communicate better. I feel like when I say things to him he hardly listens. Its like a tell him to grab something and he doesnt have it and I ask where it is and he tells me he didnt know he was supposed to get it. I dont understand why our relationship has been SO rocky. One minute I'm the happiest girl in the world and the next I want to leave him. Its ridiculous. I know relationships are hard, but this is worse than hard. Its almost like, is it really worth it? I dont know what to do. I cant handle fighting about the stupidest things in the world anymore. No one probably cares anymore because we've broken up and got back together a few times. And thats usually how my stupid life is anyway. Break up, make up, break up, make up...how fun! NOT! Why cant I just have one decent relationship. That doesnt end in me crying. Seriously I've had enough. I cant just leave him. I want to be with him. I just want things to be better. I try and talk to him. Sometimes he gets it and sometimes he doesnt listen. And I'm not just blaming it all on him, I can do better too. I just dont know what will work. I feel like we arent as nice as we should be, and sometimes its the joking stuff. But most of the time it hurts the others feelings. BAAA. life is hard. Freak! I'm terrified to get married because I dont want it to end in divorce over something dumb, like our break ups usually are. Things were different when we first met. I hate that things change. I HATE CHANGE. I dont know what to do. It doesnt matter. Sorry for bothering you.

LIfe

Wow i havent blogged in forever. I'm a slacker. I just thought i would update a little on life, things are going good. Kash is 7 months and 1 week old! jeez time flies when you're having fun. He's almost crawing, which is awesome and not at the same time :) he gets into everything he's not supposed to. I put like 20 toys on the floor and he finds all the stuff he shouldn't. We have a trip planned the 27th thru the 1st. Down to st. george with tylers family. That should be fun. We're taking kash to the dunes and a lake awww relaxing :( ha not with a crawling boy! I found out that I need more friends, I dont have very many people to hang out with. Which isnt fun because i get stir crazy when tyler is at work and kash and I are home bored out of our minds..I've also decided that I need to go on walks more, it benifits kash and I both. He loves being outside and I can lose some weight! I'm so excited for the 4th of July! I'm excited to show kash our traditions and how fun it all is. Well I think that is all. I'm glad summer is here :)

Just some things

Well I just decided that I would post some pictures of kashii so you all can see how big and cute he's getting, enjoy!

Kyle decided to put my hair band on kash's head! haha

Kash suckin on his toy.

Watching kyle play basketball.

He looks like george washington! haha we have so much fun with him :D

things that bug me

1-when people call my baby their baby

2-having the tv up so loud we have to say what a million times cuz we can't hear

3-being guilt trripped into something

4-bad drivers

5-people that are mean when they joke,not funny

6-thats all I can think of

Husband Tag

1. Where did you meet your husband?Working at the planetarium
2. How long did you date before you got married?We're not married yet
3. How long have you been married?we've been together for a year and a half
4. What does he do that surprises you?He likes to be silly
5. What is your favorite feature of his?hair
6. What is his best quality?He's senstive to my needs
7. Does he have a nickname for you?babe
8. What is his favorite food?Meat
9. What is his favorite sport?bowling or football
10. When and where did you first kiss?Hiking in mueller park
11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple?Watching movies, bowling
12. Do you have any children?1-Kash
13. Does he have any hidden talents?Very good at working on cars and knows alot about them
14. How old is he?18 almost 19
15. Who said 'I love you' first?he did
16. What is his favorite music?rap or rock
17. What do you admire most about him?he's funny and is sweet
18. What is his favorite color?red
19. Will he read this?nah
20. Who do you tag?ashley, karen, anyone

Almost Laughing

I was tickling his tummy and he would try to make any noise he could!

It was the cutest thing. I can't believe he might laugh soon! YAY!!