Stupid Brain.
I've decided that I have a very stupid brain. Here's a long story for ya. Tyler works at checker,(you all know that) and one day I (with my stupid brain) decided to ask him if there were any girls at his work that were hot. (yeah i know i know) And he said one. So I got mad. Even though I stuck myself in it. So I asked him all these questions about her and that made my brain go nuts. All I kept thinking about was how they were going to get together or something. That was about a month and a half ago. At that same time he added her as a friend on facebook and that made me even more mad. So I to him that I didn't want him to have her as a friend and he got mad (because I had guys for friends at the time) so we went through a big argument about having oppisite sex friends. And now a month or more later I can't stop thinking about it. His boss actually scheduled him with her by themselves from 3 to close. Seriously whats wrong with me? I cannot let things go. I still havent let go that a girl from the planetarium liked him like 1 week before we started talking and that he text her over our break in april. I dont know why I have to have this stupid brain. He tells me everytime something like this happens that he has never cheated on me and never will. And I believe that so why can't I just get over this? I always do things to make him mad at me. I really think its a serious problem and I need help. Its like I can't leave him alone or I think something will happen.
On another stupid brain note: I also have these pictures in my head of bad things that could happen to me. Like when we barbecue I always move away from the propane because I think its going to explode. Or when I see people walking across the street I picture them getting hit by a car and I can see everything so clearly. I ALWAYS think of the bad things that will happen. Seriously always. I also have thoughts that I feel like I cant control. Like when kash cries and has been stressing me out I've thought I'm going to kill him in my head then I think NO what are you thinking! I hate it. I feel like its someone else. I dont want to think those things. I cant think those things. I need help, someone to understand. I dont know why I do it. I dont want to do it. I dont know what to do.
On another stupid brain note: I also have these pictures in my head of bad things that could happen to me. Like when we barbecue I always move away from the propane because I think its going to explode. Or when I see people walking across the street I picture them getting hit by a car and I can see everything so clearly. I ALWAYS think of the bad things that will happen. Seriously always. I also have thoughts that I feel like I cant control. Like when kash cries and has been stressing me out I've thought I'm going to kill him in my head then I think NO what are you thinking! I hate it. I feel like its someone else. I dont want to think those things. I cant think those things. I need help, someone to understand. I dont know why I do it. I dont want to do it. I dont know what to do.
posted by ShAnNoN MaCkAy at
12:12 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Shannon,
I hope you don't mind me reading your blog. I saw your link off of Melisa's blog. The way your feeling sounds EXACTLY how Josh felt last year. I'm not trying to be a doctor but you could possibly have OCD. Not the classic case where you wash your hands all the time. But the obsessive uncontrollable thoughts. Josh was diagnosed and it does run in the family. Just trying to help. Hope you are feeling better/happier. :)
-Elisa
I do that too!! well, the picturing horrible things happening. Sometimes it's very annoying.
And John is always thinking bad things are always going to happen. I think perhaps Elisa is right. It is probably a genitic thing. How weird.
It's stuff like this that you never really learn until you start learing about your family. Blogs are great things for all this sharing crap (and I mean that in a good way.)
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