Another Life Update

Well I havent posted in a while so I thought I would. Things are going good here. Kash is getting so big! He has now out grown his newborn clothes. He has rolls on his little thighs, haha they are soo cute. He's eating really well. It seems like he always wants to eat now. He started smiling at me and tyler a few days ago! It was the best thing! He's cooing alot, and he's more awake during the day. He goes to the doctor on the 16th of january for his two month check up. I cant beleive he's almost two months! wow. Time flys when you're having fun, hehe. We took him to mesquite last friday and came home monday. That was a big adventure. Our drive down was about 7 or 8 hours because of snow and stopping to feed kash, but we made it there! We had lots of fun, bowling, hanging out, playing wii and trying to protect kash from all the smoke! YUCK! I felt bad that he had to breath that air when we walked through the casino..but its over and he's okay. I've been taking lots of pictures and videos of him and thought I would share. ENJOY :D

life update

Well I decided I would take some time and update on how things are going. As you probably already know I had Kash one the 14th of November. He is now 3 weeks and one day old. Life has been really tough since he got here. He seems to have alot of gas, and screams because his little tummy hurts. I feel so bad when he cries, I just hate to know he is in pain and I cant help him. I didn't think loosing sleep would be that bad, but now that its happening its soo hard. He really doesn't wake up alot, but getting sleep in two hour increments wares me down. Nursing was pretty hard when I was in the hospital and I wasnt sure it was going to work, but then he and I got the hang of it and its going great. I feel very selfish. I have thoughts that I dont want to share him. I only want me to take care of him because I feel like only I know what he needs. I'm very happy that I am nursing so I am the only one that gets to feed him. But then there are nights when I get so frustrated that he is screaming and I am awake and Tyler gets to just sleep through it. I'm having second thoughts about getting married. And I have terrible thoughts of giving Kash up for adoption because I want my old life back and my old body back. When I look in the mirror, I feel hideous. I hate that I only fit into one pair of my jeans, I hate my thighs and my butt, my shirts are all stretched from wearing them when I was pregnant, the stupid stretch mark lotion I bought doesnt even work, I cant wear a pretty, normal bra anymore, I feel sad and pitiful. Everyone wants to see him and I hate going places. I know I'm just complaining. I should be happy, I gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy. Whats my deal? I wish I was happier with my life right now..